Divorce is among the most stressful experiences a person can go through. However, having gone through it, you might feel like a heavy weight has been lifted off you, and want to start dating. However, before you throw yourself back in the game, make sure you follow the tips down below.
Make sure you heal
Before you start seeing someone, you need to first work on yourself and feel whole again. To do so, you need to be aware of what went wrong with your marriage, that led to a divorce. Not blaming anyone is actually a good place to start, but rationalize the negative things that both you and your ex-spouse did, that led to the end.
The divorce sure is painful, but unless you feel comfortable dating because of you, and not to get back at your ex, do not do it.
Start putting yourself first
After so much time putting everyone’s needs and wishes before your own, it is now time to put yourself first. Always wanted that haircut, but was afraid of what your spouse might think? Go for it. Taking that trip? Book it. Leave the housework, and go read a book, or enjoy a glass of wine in the tub, and do not put anyone’s wishes above your own.
Explain to your prospective date that you are the most important person in your life right now, as a process of healing, and be firm about it.
Not compatible? Pass
After a divorce, you sure know what you want – as well as what you do not want to tolerate. If it is easier for you, make a list of all the things you would like in your potential partner, and make one for the unwanted traits.
Make sure you get at least a glimpse of their character and see how they behave. Are they consistent, reliable, honest, kind? Do they remind you of your ex?
Do not lose time on a person that is not compatible. Even if it is a small thing. One small thing will turn into five, and soon after, you will start drifting apart.
As a divorcee, skip all the unnecessary games and bluntly state what your expectations are, provided you yourself are aware of them.
Make use of dating agencies
Dating while working full time and having kids might seem overwhelming, if not impossible. You may not have the time to go out and mingle, meeting someone new. So, why not try to make use of a dating agency. Agencies specialize in finding you a perfect match, according to your likes and dislikes, as well as your personality traits. They do the hard work, so you don’t have to. If there is no connection, no spark, then you should not be wasting precious time.
If you live in Australia for instance, try finding the perfect match using a dating agency in Sydney.
No high expectations
Set your expectations low. After a divorce, you might expect your first date to be wonderful, magical, bell-ringing…but the sad reality is that it will probably be none of it, and you might end up discouraged from going on new dates. Therefore, you should really expect nothing, but hope for the best.
Try not to go on the first post-divorce date with the thought that it will end up with a wedding. The first relationship after a failed marriage can last, but only if you work on yourself. Do not compare the new partner with your ex, and not over-correct yourself thinking it will make your new partner happy.
Just be yourself, be honest, and have fun, without putting so much pressure on the relationship.
As much as dating may seem intimidating, it should also be a cheerful time. Use that time to celebrate yourself, and be open to new experiences.
Author: Jasmine Anderson is a Sydney-based lifestyle blogger and a toddler mom. She loves to spend quality time with her family, go thrifting, and spend just a little bit too much time on the internet. Twitter: https://twitter.com/AndersonJess_AJ